To: My one & only Smelly | Our Love Story

23 December 2015

Hi Smelly,

You probably didn't know this.... included myself too! But just so sudden I feel like I have to speak this out for you. I want tell you this long long long time ago and I'm very sure I will cry out loud! So it's why I'm here! lol

I'm really not good in talking with small voice and act 'small women' lol because in front of you I never need to pretend to be someone else but just BE MYSELF. Never thought of this would happen between us but just to let you know that, I love you :)

Happy 5 years 3 months & still counting..

It's another milestone in our life. If I have a chance to go back and choose for a new bf! *evil smile* I still will choose to be with you & repeating the story over & over again. Just like how we both together when we were just 18. We met each other in MMU. You never talk with me because you were just too shy. You never eye contact with me either. I never look at you until one of our friend Foong start introduce you to me. HAHAHAHA

You are just too shy. This is my first impression on you. Never thought ended up we both can be like this today! lol One of our group leader divided us into small diff discussion group during our orientation day. I'm the only talkative girl in that group , the only one with broken english and malay at the same time. You laughed at me when I'm talking to one of our Malay friends, then I look at you but you still laughing until non-stop with your super bright and white teeth. 

I have to admit that I love talking with you because I love someone who has bright smile like you although you are not handsome! HAHAHAHAHAH I know you love talking to me because I will never make you feel boring and I just talk non-stop , laughing like a man and speak 'rojak language' lol. I'm a normal girl, I laugh a lot when I'm in uni but I'm sad during the first few month of my studies.

I'm not from a perfect family during the first year of my uni life, to be honest, I'm not happy at all. I'm so sick to be at home and looking at my parent who always argue about money and relationship. This is how imperfect part of my life that nobody know except you are the one who can read my mind. You still didn't talk to me until we both start texting when one of our friend actually use your phone to text me because his maxis sms my dig number is way too pricy lol. What a joke xD

Soon, you got my number. We both start texting to each other, skype with our gang of friends. We never met during our class because we aren't from the same faculty. You are from engineering and I'm finance student. We only met during the same session of class or lunch break with a group of our friends. Most of the time we gather because of our friends but at night we both texting non-stop and I get so excited every time i received your text msg.

Love at first sight? Not really.... Maybe? I start to look at you when you are talking to me. Start to make fun of you because you are still so shy. Actually I know why you are shy, because I'm an angel to you RIGHT!!! (FYI, This is what Smelly told me not I praise or syiok sendiri saying I'm the angel , ok?!! ) LOL until the first half year you are still so shy -.- not even got eye contact with me! 

I remember got once, I received your msg asking me whether is there anything happen because I look so sad. Yea, I'm sad with the same problem again and again. I can be happy at all but just laugh for nothing when I'm in front of my friend. I never want anyone to know that I'm sad or unhappy because I know no one want to know it. Only me. BUT know it. So I start texting to you and we start talking to each other on the phone. 

I put you as one of the friend & family number in the digi plan because I can enjoy free call and text at the same time. HAHAHA This is why we both never broke with the amount of phone bill every month. We both using the same number and prepaid service like now. Everything was still clear and new for me. Just like it happened yesterday. So, the first time I received your call and never end our topic since the first night until now.

Then we joined the same competition together. We sing our first song together on the stage. I'm playing the guitar and editing the whole song to become our first signature song together. You told me I look prettier when I'm passion on something. Look.... How sweet you are! After that, every birthday month of you I will be on the phone + sing song while at the same time playing guitar for you. When I play some new song or learn something new, you are my first listener. Two years ago during a talent competition. I'm so nervous, you are the only who help me stay calm. I'm on the stage, looking at you dearly and start singing our first signature love song. I get into top 10 but never win something back, you hold my hand told me that I'm the best. My hand was shaking and you were standing right behind the 7th line telling me that's gonna be fine. The whole performance is just... Specially for you :) I never get disappointed on that because I just want to be on stage and sing out loud for you. That's the last time I'm on the stage.

I remember you always told me that I owe you one cent because you are the last person who send me the msg before I sleep. I never give up on reply you again & again. So end up we always sleep at late or mid night. I always reply you ' YOU OWE ME ONE CENT NOT ME OKAY!!! KITTY' but still you never fall asleep before I sleep because you know I always get very emotional on my bed or in the middle of the night.

You told me that you will be there to accompany me. This is you! The very low profile and warm heart boy. We have many things in common. I remember there are one time we both having pizza with lots of our friend during our lunch break. You sit so far from me and still so shy -.- While I'm the one who talk so loud and like a man! They ordered 3 pizza for all of us and ended up all of us finishes everything except you + me were the one who left green and red pepper on the side of our plate. Then everyone was pointing us and laughing at us and told us we look so alike.

I hate spicy and you were the same too. So we getting closer day by day and slowly I found that maybe I have to give myself a chance. I'm a weird kind of girl, I never together with someone if I never like him. I need time to look on his personality, I can't stand someone who shout at girl or high profile guy. lol It's so hard for me to find someone I love because I never believe in love until I found you.

You are my second bf, I got only one ex-boy friend when I'm seventeen. We break up because my parent never agree on me to have boy friend. No matter how much I prove my mom, she will never agreed on this matter. This is how my life was when I'm young. Break up with my first love wasn't hard but the hardest part for me was accepting that I'm no longer the first propriety of someone. I know I have only one mommy, so I told myself maybe I should let go. But ended up he scold me for everything and told me he feel so disgusting when I told him that I love him + I'm the one who say to break up. I cried on my bed and punch my pillow like no one else in this world would know this. 

After my first break up, I told myself never ever fall in love with anyone. I build a wall between me with any male friends of mine. Once I noticed that they might fall in love with me, I immediately friend-zone them! HAHAHAH this is why I always say HEY DUDE! YOOO BROTHER! because I don't want to experience the same story again and I don't want to argue with my parent because of this matter. 

BUT...I NEVER KNOW you changed my mind. I mean, I never know my boy friend will be someone like you! You are shy , stupid , 欠打 for me. But when I'm with you, I can talk freely , loudly and happily with any topic. You changed my whole perspective of love. Yes, you!

One day, after our first few outing with our friends...At mid vally, in front ESPRIT I know you never dare to get the first move done. So, I GIVE YOU CHANCE ONLY!! ONLY ONCE!! When our friend were talking with each other I put my hand on your shoulder like we are just buddy. Then my first sense told me that TODAY IS THE DAY!

Yea, just here! Exactly here! I dropped and move away my hand from your shoulder and TAAADAAAAA. You hold my hand *blush blush* That's the day we get together as a bf & gf. You are not romantic at all, you just so noob. I remember once you told me how if you never make the first move to hold my hand. I answered you that, THEN YOU WILL BE SO STUPID i won't give you chance again! lol

but in the deep in my mind, i will still give you chance lah! lol

So it's how we get started and officially a gf of him. Believe or not, we love each other deeply but at the same time we have leaped through many mountains together. This is why we always appreciate each other. I took many years to learn how to be slightly dependent (not too independent), slightly feminine , slightly girly. I remember I asked him that is that okay if I call him bee (bi) or babe. After this question I want to hide into a hole wtf! I feel so disgusting when i hear someone call their bf/gf as baby but now -.- I call him like this! 

fml..but this is how fun and interesting our story was. It through trials that brought us to what we had today. We never say break up throughout the whole 5 years, we never bring forward our problem to the next day, we argue some time but we choose to give a conclusion or fix it at the same day we argue, we communicate with each other. If you ask me what hold us together.. it's about


5 years isn't too long or short but both of us helped each other to strengthen and grow. I won't be who am I today without Smelly. He taught me things and lessons that I can't learn from the book. He understand that I must be 'hurt' in order to be grown up so sometime he let me to be independent and learn from my mistake.

You taught me don't look at others, look within. When I almost to give up something, he was the one standing beside me and remind me for the reason why I'm here. When I'm sad, he stand beside me and told me that it's okay, he will be here for me. From a nobody to somebody , every lesson and obstacle , he knew it and still be my side.

You always told me to appreciate what I have but I start to feel sad because of my teeth. You told me not to go for braces because you know I will be crying like a baby when I go for it. You know I'm afraid and advice me not to. I'm not satisfied with myself I want to make a change , you advice and telling me you love the imperfect side of me. You love the side that people don't love about me. But I had decided. I thought you will scold me but...

You surprised me with your action. You respect my decision and give me a 100% support when no one support me. You know me well , my personality , my mood , my thought , my imperfection , just Everything. Although you are not a romantic guy that I want but still.... I love you deeply for who you are.

Sometime in our life, we have to hear and follow our heart in order to choose and decide on the right thing. Throughout the past 5 years, sometime... people wondering how we both together , my parent was wondering why I have to be with a same age immature guy, friends must be asking why I don't choose to go with a richer or more handsome guy....Seriously, none of their business. This is my relationship, I'm not a kind of girl who want to depend on a rich bf or husband in order to get happy. I'm not a person who like to take my bf to measure with the 'social standards or rules' for having a boy friend that only look perfect in other's eyes.

Friends always told me that how happy their life is when their boyfriend is rich enough to pay for their bills and everything. I'm glad that I didn't get influenced by them and choose to give up on this relationship or dump you. Because i know money can buy everything but there are something that money can't buy. It's our memories. 

I enjoy the hard time with you, we both pay for our own meal, sometime when I earn extra I bring you to eat my favourite salmon mentai or expensive buffet. You never spoiled me with branded stuff for the past few years because you know that I will be angry at you if you never earn money then start spending it just to make me happy. The unforgettable gift that I got during my birthday was your 365 days hand wrote stars that make me cried. You are a practical person so you know which gift was the best for me. The first most expensive gift I received from you was our previous melbourne flight ticket and camera that you bought for me. You know I only accept expensive gift after you start working and graduated from Uni.

Sometime, friends and parent told me that i'm stupid. Might be? But this is my way to look at the right guy. My first expensive present was what I received recently. Other than that, I bought everything with my own money and never rely on anyone to give me money. So I answer my mom and friend that , is okay! I can buy whatever I want with my own money. maybe this is my personality. I'm more toward like a man and smelly sometime is softer like a girl! lol 

I'm looking for a man who know me better than my parent, who care me more than himself , who basically make me feel comfortable to be myself when I'm with him. It's you, Smelly :) You are the one. Although sometime I'm so naughty but you still treat me patiently and calm me down. Thanks for always being here for me. People might think you don't deserve to have me, but in real I feel that I don't deserve to have all of this to happen in my life. I'm blessed to have someone like you for the past 5 years and hope that we can have more years to come :) Maybe one day you will be the one who own a house with me, who travel and hold my hand until the last breath of mine. Although I'm already well prepare...just waiting for the time...for you to hold me forever x) More 5 years maybe???

I don't know when but it's better to wait for the right time!! AHAHAHAH I will be there for you and fighting for our dream. Make our dream come true, travel with you, buying our own house and so on...I know it's too early to say that but just wanna let you know this because you know I never simply talk about future if I never trust you. Now you need to be responsible for my dream and goon excuse to say NO! lol 是在這裡強逼你還是跟你求婚嗎? Just want to tell you that I love you as much as you love me although I'm not the person who always like to tell you this. Just for today....only...dont ask me why...

Last time I always think I'm the most independent and strongest person in my life. There are no such word 'I CAN'T DO IT' in my life..... until I met you. I know there are something I can't control over it, I can't do...You taught me the right time to refuse it and tell me that it's alright to say I CAN'T and make things right. I always cried for my friendship and you always laugh at me and tell me how realistic the world is. I don't wanna know that but reality make me learn from it.

I changed a lot, mentally changed and higher EQ. From a little girl which think she was the stronger one to a poor little girl who think she was nobody and you were the one beside this little girl and taught me all of the shit that I never want to face in the reality. That girl grown up now and you slowly let go her hand but still worrying her and quietly follow her at the back. It's you smelly. I know everything and how much you changed because of me.

看你要自己開心 還是別人開心
只是要告訴所有人 每個人故事都只有雙方自己知道
很多東西你看表面是感覺不到的 別把自己衡量的那把尺放在別人身上

不如常常把他對你的好 他的優點 跟自己說

愛情不是單方面的經營 需要雙方努力維持。
以前覺得愛 很難

Love is something like an investment. You can't predict whether you gain or loss profit because no matter how you calculate using the past history or data, sometime it result differently, it might disappointed you but when you treat love seriously and with all your heart, you will enjoy the process of each ups and downs. After all, you grown up and if you are lucky enough..we can hold the love forever...until the last breath :) I hope we are the lucky  one! lol

I rarely talk about our relationship here because I don't like people to know my privacy or judge on you / our relationship. But now, I wish to share my story with all of you ,because you guys are a part of my life and I wish to share my happiness or story to all of you since lots of you were so curious about our love story. lol... I want you to know that not every relationship was perfect and you will never know who will be the right one until you really into or met someone love more you more than himself. I know some of you are still single or still waiting for a right one to be your soul mate or partner. Don't worry because i tell you.... everyone is beautiful, it just take some time for the right person one to see it

To be honest, our 5 years relationship has gone through many ups and downs but we still hold each others closely because it's what love taught us about. It might not be forever but at least I NEVER REGRET on everything that we done for our relationship. You guys must be envy smelly treat me like a princess...I TELL YOU HOR....I treat him like princess too! I'm more romantic than him!

You see lah! I think this happened on Feb 2015 this year. Our valentine day! 我不出手,一出手所有人給我通殺!I so romantic one and smelly never know why girl like romantic stuff. So, to let him know how girls feel I decided to give him a surprise present. I make a DIY memories book for him and I decided to act stomach pain before my lunch (on the way go to have our lunch) and die die also act until so sick and desperately need a toilet.

Because I SERIOUSLY DON'T GO PUBLIC TOILET so i went all the way to his toilet and take out all the note that I prepared a night before and stick it like this.Stick it all over on his toilet's mirror. Okay la! PLEASE SAY I'M ROMANTIC! 開玩笑!我不是混的ok~

Apparently, my plan wasn't like this. I want to stick and back home then only give him a call by telling him to look at the toilet's mirror. BUT YOU KNOW ...I WANNA SEE HIS REACTION! I'm so nervous and can't wait..i just can't wait..

So I know he want to wash hand but I secretly say I can't push the toilet water and I expect him to hug me and be like ' oh baby, so sweet of you' BUT NO! He get into the toilet and steady steady like that read everything and turn his head to me and like stunned. OKAY! STUNNED ONLY. Then I'm like...HOW? NICE? ROMANTIC ? 

He look at me and never say anything. Then a bit awkward after that then I don't know how to react and by that point he hug me and say thankiu. WAH! MORE shy and awkward at the same time then I say ' LIKE THAT ONLY A?!!' Then he say he's so hungry and we booked our lunch at the restaurant lol. So we sit back to his car and the whole day I feel so proud of myself and keep telling him how good to be my bf x) HAHAHAHA Okay la...this is how we both communicate. 

Then, surprise haven end leh! I take out the booklet and give it to him ask him to open when he's home. I used like 1 week get things done! So shy to put it here but nvm la just for you guys! Don't laugh at the content because I have no idea why I wrote it -.- so disgusting wtf! fml...once in my life time...

 Should be my little prince -.- lol

 I kept all the msg he text me..two years back
臭貓更噁心 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
I'm sure he will kill me for posting this

Must have few photo of myself! Put this because he love i dress like this lol

Smelly was the first person who gave me rose and flower!!
He was the first man who to celebrate Valentine's Day with me!

 I love this page so much!

 Don't read this i really wanna vomit when I look at what I wrote wtf...
so sorry..

 Dream came true after 5 years of waiting lol Finally my parent allow me to travel with Smelly :)
#1 Hold your hand , take photo and travel with you

 Not thinking of you now! AHAHAHAH

Last page, 4 secret card that allow smelly to use. I forgot what I wrote but one of this is forgive card!
So he can use on me to forgive him 
But still gonna depend on my mood whether need to forgive him or not xD

 Thanks for being here for me when I need you and act like a hero in my life! xD

 Thanks for loving and doing silly things with me.

 Thanks for loving me for who am I.

 Here's some photo probably you won't see me upload on my insta lol

 I wish the time just stop at the moment. My first time spending the whole trip, day and night with smelly!! after five years!!

 Thanks for being tolerance with my emotional and mood everyday! lol
Sorry for making you sad...hmmmm...sometime :)

 You hate selfie and take photo but because of me, you changed! HAHAHAHA
Now you even selfie and send me your selfie! OMG
Syiok sendiri oh..!!!

You told me that my smile can made your day and cheer you up.
我現在才知道我比醫生還要厲害 xD

To be continue.....

Last but not least,
I Love You, Smelly.

Merry X'mas and Happy New Year Everyone!
KTHXBYE! I hope I won't delete this after all!
That's all for today. hmmmm
Smelly, this is your xmas surprise gift la! BYE! :D