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Opportunity , Dream & Decision

June 4, 2013

Herloo Dear  :) Feel so sleepy right now and today (Monday) is my first day of my internship. I feel very confuse with everything the company ask us to do and also how come it's compulsory a need for us to attend the 8pm-10pm class -.- It's not the point I'm writing this post because this is really spoiled my mood and I'm totally disappointed about it.I think most of you have to be my listener now! Since I have no place to destress. lolx But still something make me feel really happy and I finally make a decision for myself.

Have you ever feel so sad and stress on something? Just like something you which to get but it's always a period or a time that you can't make your own decision? I didn't try it until last weekend it happened on me. It was such a big dream and I'm the lucky one. Something which I chase for such a long time or maybe I just love to take it as an opportunity. But still it's always something blocking me to take this opportunity. I get an email and get offered to a very good opportunity as a blogger and I dare to say whole life I have never feel that much HAPPY and excited... Besides of the happy mood I'm kind of stress because I have to persuade both of my parents to let go me to take that opportunity.

I don't know whether most of you have that kind of 'traditional' thinking on both of your parents. My parents is really strict to me sometime. But compare to the past I'm always feel so thankful to god because I still can be a blogger as my hobby. I don't know whether you noticed it or not..or should I say most of my real life friends understand so much in my family and situation. My parents is those who really afraid and so concern about me. My daddy is always the one loved me the most although sometime I really used to hate them because I got limited freedom to go out and meet friends.

Previously I can't go out without a permission. The permission is like when you asking loan from a bank! You need to get approve and show them some prove that you're really going out with your friends. Sometime I hate that because I feel that I don't have enough freedom to do what I like but as I slowly grow up I understand why they worried so much. But still I sometime really feel so sad and dislike the way they control me. Just compare to the past they getting better & better now and at least I can still hang out with my friends, join some events when my school holiday and at the same time have to CONFIRM my result CGPA won't decrease..even a 0.01 lolx

I get offered for a very good opportunity and I tried my best to persuade both of my parent actually at the same time I argue with them. It's a really big project and I guess is the most BIG & GOOD news for myself. I have the opportunity to join with a very popular cosmetic company to a Hong Kong trip and all of the fees is provided from the company. It's something like sponsored trip + working as a blogger. Whole Malaysia they just pick up 2 bloggers. Such a good opportunity right?

Yea! I always not the lucky one but this time I'm really the LUCKY one. I'm not popular I don't expect to have such a great opportunity for myself. You know that I'm not rich at all and I'm super duper love to meet new friends and love to travel around. I'm always looking for the opportunity so you can amazing how happy am I when I get this opportunity But it make me feel stress at the same time. I keep ask my parent for the permit to go and I just too happy & excited until never think of them.

I get the news on Friday and it's quite a rush decision because the company want me to confirm within this 3 days. So today is the last day I need to come out with a decision. I'm so excited and I'm really have to say THANKS SO MUCH for the opportunity. Thanks this company because they actually tried to help me to. They purposely come to meet me after my break just to meet my parents. Thanks so much... I just can't express how happy am I when I get this but at the same time I get through the hardest time too.

Since both of my parent not allow. I'm actually very sad at first and some of you might know what's happen and talk to me. I'm really happy and you guys just help me alot. Even just a simple msg. I'm happy that both happy & sad time you guys always be with me. It's just like a dream for me you know?! At first I'm very sad but it's still have a chance to persuade my parent to let me go and take for the opportunity. I don't want to give up . So i continue persuade...

I used both soft & rude way to persuade. lol but my parents very hard to persuade one. They told me that I asked for too much. They allow me to have what I have today doesn't means that they must fulfil my wants or my needs. Something like that.. Then they can say til like I'm a bad daughter which never hear their advice. So my planned fail I'm very sad but still NEVER GIVE UP.

The second time is Sunday Morning. I wake up and react like a good girl and try to talk with my dad nicely since my mom never gave any chance to me. lol So deal on. My dad promise me he will go and meet the company then talk about everything. After that only make the decision... So I make and arrange everything with the company and I'm here thanks again for your kindness because you all just help me so much. They purposely come to my place and meet me just to let my dad understand everything before rejecting this opportunity. I'm very happy and I still think that I have the chance to get that opportunity.

UNTIL what I'm really disappointed and angry is.....After I arranged and planned everything NICELY..My dad walk out from her room then tell me that NOOOOOOOOOO, YOU CAN'T GO. JUST DON'T. You try to imagine what's my feeling on that moment. I was like wth?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'm not angry you reject me to go or not but how come you suddenly change the decision.. If you are my long term readers you will know that I really hate people suddenly change the plan and spoil everything.

The problem is I actually planned and going to meet the company today and LAST MINS you told me that you don't want. I'm not angry with the decision my parent make for me. Is why you last mins tell me after I planned everything. They just like a stone never know what I angry. They just think that I'm angry and get mad or cry because I can't go. It's really a stress time for me how many time I explain they never ever trust me.

I know THEY WORRIED me. It's hard to be a parent but at the same time I feel that all of us really have the GAP! GENERATION GAP! heartbroken with that words... </3 totally don't understand why they GIVE ME A HOPE then spoiled it. and I must tell you this is not the first time everytime I decided to go any place or what..even I get their permission but I still need to confirm THEY never suddenly last mins REJECT me. That's why I'm not always as great as you guys. My friends my sweeties or my babies most of them have the freedom to do what they like. but I dont like....

So I watsapp and email the company tell them I can't because both of my parent don't let me go.. I'm already </3 and doesn't want to have any HOPE again..then the company still so kind to me T^T Thanks alot seriouslybecause of their help I actually think for WHOLE NIGHT.. on how to persuade my parent to meet them... last few hours.. I'm a bit happy when my dad told me say OK I go meet them. I thought that they will still change their mind and decision at the end..So I can't sleep.. I keep think and I'm really worried about my internship.. 

OPPORTUNITY need to make decision + INTERN need to worry and nervous

= XXXXXX

I totally can't sleep. ME! I every time very easy to fall asleep because that's the happy part of me. I'm always so happy and I just can't make any decision because once I made any decision my both parents will never happy because of that. I have a choice or can choose just to take it without their permission but I don't want ... I know I will  hurt them... LEFT OR RIGHT? both also die.. So i just stand in the middle..Think for such a long night....soooooooooo complicated and confuse.

So now you must think that... am I decide it? 
YES

and what is my final decision?

I choose not to go :)

 It didn't means to give up this opportunity because at least I'm happy that this is my final decision although is because my mom won't allow me to do so but my friends help me to take this job. Company pass this opportunity to one of friends. Not really consider pass this opportunity to her but just I think she's more suitable than I because she's the lucky one also. I'm happy that she can help me to chase my dream for herself. I don't know I should happy or feel sad right now

But one thing I can confirm is.. I feel really touch when I know my daddy actually come to meet the people from the company this evening. I don't know you know that feeling anot..

Just like when they keep on say NO NO NO NO NO reject you no matter how you cry or slap yourself. End up my daddy sacrifice his working time for me :) The moment my daddy waiting  all of us at there ...and the decision he made..I really feel so touching.. I dunno how to explain about it but this is the only reason which I can't lost it.

Maybe I don't have such a great opportunity like this time but because of the kindness of the company.. and my parent gained trust and start to understand how a media work and slowly understand what I like and got a bit 'connection' about what am I doing and everything. I'm happy that they told me they will allow me to  join this kind of opportunity next time and what make me feel better is...

I can feel that I learned something on it..Maybe it's really so sad giving up such a good opportunity but let them understand more about me and slightly change their old thinking towards social media now.. I feel very happy and I believe if I work hard and future...I got more and more opportunity to come...But I only only 1 parent... Lol like talking to myself not to be so sad about this..But seriously still a little bit sad LOL

I don't know how my future is but for me.. even sometime I really dislike how my parent argue to each other and every family have their own issues... I'm always know that they sacrifice a lot for me..I don't know why I have such a strong feeling toward them but it's something I feel NOW... 

No matter how both adult had fight for their own rights and opinion.. As a daughter I really feel so sad and stress sometime but this make me grow up until who am I today. I hate them and love them at the same time but I just don't bother adult's stories although I'm one of the member in the family but they will only fight til the end.. Thanks for everything.. Although they're not those SUPPORTIVE kind of family but I know they care and concern about me. Although I really hate when see both of my parent fighting and argue ...I hide myself inside my room... cried.. I just feel thankful because I  learn to be independent, positive but still very emo sometime lol, talkative and learn to ACCEPT everything.

I can't explain and promise I won't regret for everything I decided today but I just know this is a process that we need to walk through. I'm 21 years old.. I should learn to accept everything and not I have my own problem..They have their own problem...Just in the future when I get married I will make sure that I wont argue in front of my children or never discuss nicely before make any decision.

I  think I should go to sleep now :S It's 2am -.- I need to wake up at 6am tomorrow! God bless me.. Have you feel so hard to make a decision? If it's happen just think that what makes you happy... I'm happy right now because I'm finally make a decision.. I very lack of something when making any decision..Finally I'm done with that..

That's all my lame story lol... I feel better now because I CAN SLEEP SO TIGHT NOW! Although just 4 hours -.- GOOD NIGHT

Looking forward for my next opportunity ❤ at least my parent know what I'm doing now so next time I can join anything I want!!! Hahahaha (at the same time TAT) very complicated feeling right now lol

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