♥20120609♥ Dilemma

09 June 2012

Herloo sweetie:) School Reopen this week..My very first semester in my Degree Gamma Year life :) It's not easy now..No more easy subject :'( Started to feel headache and stress about all the subject i took this semester!All finance chapter and core subject coming soon ..'Chanwon Tan..Still got two year 5 semester you can graduate already..Please do well' Please please :) I told that to myself!always..

Girls always having dilemma in many diff kind of situation.. Always wonder should  I cut my hair to shorter length or let it long..Should cut my fringe shorter or let it long.. Wonder which hair style you suit and match the most..Wonder if it's fail ?! if it's ugly? 

I faced so much dilemma since I born to be in this world..HAHAHAHAH ! I had dilemma in choosing my own course , which university should I enter , which hair style I want to cut , which hair stylist I want to choose , which friends i want to be forever , should I say yes to relationship ,  should I do this..do that .. Sometime I do believe fate and god :)

Suppose I registered to Tarc once I graduate from secondary school..I paid my fees and I tell my BFF say we will be together and we used to be together..I want together with them in the same high school .. Want to stick with each other..Then due to family issues and transportation problem, I choose LKW @ cyberjaya.. After that, someone angry me :P I break the promise last time..I'm successfully register on that University and someone suggest me MMU since I prefer Business than Design! So i just go ahead heading to MMU and register 1 week before it reopen.. 

It's really so weird why I want to enter MMU :) But..it's fate..HAAHAHHAHA ..I keep asking myself..Is this the university i want? I can study? I can stay with this for whole high school life? I can or I can't? Dilemma happened :)

Then step into MMU foundation course..Which I think is kinda stupid and I'm overconfident with all the subject and course..Ya :) It's true..Foundation is easy for me last time..Accounting , micro shouldn't be a problem for me..Those people who can't pass with the foundation course is really weird..CGPA low than 3.0 is weird..But it's last time..Not now okie! I'm not showing off my knowledge..cause I know everyone can do that :)

 I'm stupid and noob in secondary result..Only got fews A in my spm and others all B+.. Relative look down on me since I'm stupid! Yea :) I'm stupid..I don't know what is the purpose for study I dont even know how to study.. MY PMR result more worst even all passed..i'm not satisfied with it..regret now :) due to that I can't take science subject! I cried for whole day and i told myself at least I wont disappointed to myself... My mom not angry me which I'm really surprise! My dad even bring me go to shopping after that.. I thought I can happy after that..

So yea .. I entered account class and i saw my friends in science class.. I feel like crying :) The feeling is really so 'amazing' .. is not jealous or angry..Is envy.. I go into book shop and trying to get myself some reference book..when I walk by those science book..I feel like crying ..HAHAAH i know i'm stupid and weird sometime.. then friends laugh me :) Cause I'm told them I wanna go science clas with them! LOL.. I keep it in my mind.. no one know my feeling..Hahhaa i told myself this is what i got..can't cry for it anymore :) 

I disappointed my tuition teacher because I'm the first student ever and my tuition teacher so care me..She talk to  me..I feel she's really disappointed.. when done my tuition class.. I heard from next door..My tuition teacher told them not to go into account or art class because we aim for the best one..More benefit to be in science class.. I heard that from my tuition teacher's mouth :) It's hurt for me..But it's the way I grow to be more mature :)

Long long night..I think what can i do in the future..think twice..many many many time.. I still can't get it :) So..I changed my mind ! God want me to get bad result and go to account class..maybe for others purpose..LOL watched too much drama..This is what my mom always tell me..I'm not from a rich family.. I don't have branded bag.. But I'm proud for it :) Form4-Form5 = HAPPY life i ever had ! Everyday go to school , meet my friends, gossip , blogging those stupid post , know you guys my readers , do very well in my academic , meet my first puppy love in my life :) Everything since to be like so NICE!

♥Lesson learned ♥ 
: Don't bother how people think of you..You should think for yourself.. Never regret and disappointed for the people you loved ! Thanks to your enemy, thanks for those who look me down :) Thanks for my friends and family..

But nightmare after done my spm exam..Mom dislike I get into relationship..Both of my parents is strict to me..If i got any outing..they will check til very deep..ask this and that..Sometime I feel like BANG WALL..always scold them in my mind..WHY I DONT HAVE FREEDOM..why this why that.. Used to argue a lot with my mom.. Relationship between my mom and I spoiled.. 3 month non-stop arguing ..Everyone enjoy after done their spm but it's my nightmare..Never step outside my house..hide in room.. angry my mom..argue..

So again..at night..I think of myself..I make my mom disappointed and I know I will be regret if I didnt do anything to repair back the relationship with my mom..HAHAAH 

so I break with my first bf ..I'm used to angry him last time when i told him to break with me! He told me he wanna vomit cause having me as his gf and loving me... I'm so hurt when saying that..It's really hard for me to accept a male to be my bf..I very scared reject people so I always telling myself to be friends with them..then i accept this relationship but at the end what I got is scolded by him very hurt..deep in my mind i'm crying..AHAHA angry him never celebrate my birthday with me and the next day went to school everybody so curious how i pass my 1st b'day celebration with a male in my life..I told them I got nothing..THEY DONT EVEN Believe me..LOL.. Then i scold him back very very hurt I told him I wanna vomit too..and feel disgusting LOL kids -.- .. Both of us not wrong but I'm happy both of us got our own life :) I'm awake and put this down after 1 year...

I'm so childish last time..and I was like ' Wah...i dont ever accept any bf..I accept you but you treat me like a shit?' LOL i'm sorry about this come to my mind..But now I'm happy because I meet my current bf in my U's life :) I wont repeat the same thing again and i will hold my relationship as much as i can :) He teach me to form a good and strong relationship.. But my mom and dad still can't accept i got BF @@ i never blog about it here cause no one interested about it i think...But I'm really okie now! So is nothing for me to share it here...  The most interested thing is..I dont even snap one photo with my ex..LOL.. so i keep on selca with my bf now  x)

I saw my friends all almost die because their gf or bf..I don't know what happen between them but I think it's really a fate for you and him to be together! So i never play with my relationship and I hate playboy :) I hate those people who not respect relationship.. God will always give the best one for you..Dont rush for it.. I really don't know how to love a stranger without knowing him or just look for his/her outer beauty .. Inner beauty will keep your relationship long lasting dear :) The world wont stop because you emo...Time still turning around..what can I do or what can you do? Say bye to it..and looking forward for your life.. Time will help you to solve your problem..Please take care yourself never hurt yourself because of relationship pls!

I'm not a perfect girl... I just a normal girl which work so hard for the future although I dunno i got what future! I used to hate my life sometime..I stress myself.. My dignity so high..Confident sometime..I got two very ugly teeth..and gummy smile..LOL.. I'm used to be with my gummy rabbit teeth so long..Until recently..I decided to ask for braces !

WHY?! ahahahah many people wonder why am I doing this? I never step into dental ..I'm very afraid really :( I'm not 胆小.. I just afraid ..Bleh! then doctor told me that to have a healthy teeth is important to braces it..cause i keep on asking braces stuff rather than wash my teeth -.- He also beh tahan ! Why i need braces..My rabbit teeth not closed well..got a hole between that..I'm okie with it until I received a comment from a photographer..I'm not really care about it but he keep telling me ..

Msg me with the shooting photo he took..told me that due to my ugly teeth..I spoiled the photo..I spoiled everything.. 1st time he msg me with this ..I'm okie with it..until the 4th and 5th time :) I'm lying I say i dont care but I care after that NOW! All photographers pay for me & shoot for me never complain about my teeth..cause they know how to catch every model's best angle or maybe it's really my teeth problem :( .. and 10 out of it..just he keep on comment about my teeth :) I told him it's really hurt and he said sorry to me..But still.. I mind it not because of him..is i really want to do something to my teeth..hmmmm dilemma appear ..HAHAHA

HAHAHAH should say thanks to him cause I'm really ready for braces! more few month.. use my own money T^T this is heart pain </3 I'm really dilemma now..whether to say Yes or No..Money can earn back but I scared pain..Lol worst part of myself.. Wanna be more beautiful but don't dare to take the risk! But 3k for half year braces at upper part of teeth really exp :P all people tell me that too.. I'm really thanks for those who comment on my status..HAHAHA cause that's really help for me..Thanks for the info..

LOL..such a long post and totally out of topic -.- Sorry for that.. What I want to say here is.. BE Positive toward changes about your future :) Be positive and I'm still learning how to ignored and not bother to those bad comment..AAHAHA.. Don't regret for your decision ..Don't disappointed your parents .. Grow as much as you can..One day you will become one of the brightest star in the sky :) 

Give some brave to me..I need it..Braces ON..maybe more 3 months ya! 3k 3k.. I must earn 'YOU'